Let me explain why.
I’m a pagan witch. I’m not Christian, nor do I want to be. I am in favor of freedom of religious expression, but there’s an unfortunate history of repression and religious trauma that comes along with Christianity, and it makes me deeply uncomfortable.
If you’re Christian, and not the judgy, repressing type, awesome. We need more of you. But there are many of the other kind — just like there are the Harry Potter-obsessed, perhaps delusional types of witch — and they’ve done some damage.
So, when people say “gratitude,” my mind immediately wants to know who the fuck I’m supposed to be grateful to, and why is it Jesus?
I know it’s not Jesus, and I know that’s not necessarily what’s meant by “gratitude,” but that’s where my brain goes and then I feel suspicious and icky and not grateful for jack or shit.
I’ve seen other people discuss this online, so I know I’m not alone.
So, there are other ways to approach this and not feel weird about it.
A hundred years ago, my first really good therapist told me that the human mind is programmed to look for bad things. It’s programmed to look for danger, to help keep you alive. In depressed people, this gets amplified to like, one million. Because the tendency of your brain to look for bad things and warn you about them makes your depression worse, which then causes you to tell your brain that everything is bad, so then it looks even harder for bad things, and of course it finds them, and then it tells you about them, and you go, “Oh, noooo!” and it turns into a horrid depression feedback loop that makes everything awful until you want to die.
Don’t die.
But if you tell your brain to look for good things, it will do that. And the way you tell your brain to look for good things is to just stop and notice anytime anything good happens. That’s it. Just stop and go, “nice.”
Here is a list of things that I like to stop and notice:
My cats. All the time, them being silly, or being cuddly, or sitting in the window all cute-like. I love them.
Cool bugs. Dragonflies or cicadas or sphynx moths or lady bugs — not those horrid lady beetles, but real lady bugs.
Neat birds. I especially like raptors, but any sort of cool bird that flies by makes me happy. Or even when sparrows all sit together chirping their heads off and then suddenly go quiet all at the same time.
A good, depressing rain. A thunderstorm. A beautiful, sunny day when it’s not too hot out. A pretty snowfall.
Spring. Autumn.
Pumpkins. Free berries growing in the wild. Wild mushrooms. Snails.
A good cup of coffee.
Cool water when you’re really thirsty.
A really good book.
A hot bath, especially those first few seconds as you sink into the water.
A good movie.
Good food of so many kinds. Special sweet treats, comfort foods like meat and potatoes or soups, refreshing salads on a hot day, snacking on cheese and crackers, chips, a glass of wine or whiskey, wood fired pizza, hot cocoa.
Frog sounds. Especially that one desert frog that goes “beeeeeeeeeeep!”
Puppies pushing their noses into your hand.
The smell of horses.
Frankincense or sandalwood or nag champa.
Interesting science facts.
Campfires.
Anyway, I hope you get the picture.
My point is, that just because you, like me, dislike the word “gratitude,” it doesn’t mean you can’t have a positivity practice. I started doing it was I was twenty or so, and it made me feel so good that I have tried to keep up with it ever since. And really, I don’t sit down and write anything down, I don’t think, “what am I grateful for?” I just watch out for anything that makes me smile or feel good, and then I pause and think, “Ah. That’s nice.”
At first, you have to remember to do it. But after a few weeks, it starts to become habit. I’ll be in the middle of petting my cat and suddenly think, “hey, isn’t this nice?” and think, “yeah, this is nice.” Once you tell your brain to look for nice things, and give it that little reward for finding some, it will start to do it automatically.
Isn’t that nice?
