Freaking out on the internet.

Probably a bad idea.

I’ve done it here a couple of times, and I will probably do it again. Trying to move toward being a full-time artist is scary.  I think it would be dishonest to not share that part of the process as well. A lot of artists who are very smiley and pleasant and good-natured all of the time will tell you with a straight face and a smile that they feel down and fearful, too. I just can’t believe that. I mean, I get that not everyone wants to hear about it, but it would help me, at least, if sometimes people in the limelight would say, “you know, I know I’ll bounce back, but I’m just not feeling it today. Self-doubt is taking over. Time for some chocolate.” I don’t know if I’ve done a good job with that, or if people are thinking “wow, whiner!” But I feel like “How do you write a novel” is a life process , and I want to answer that question honestly. Not smiley and fake.

Although, maybe I shouldn’t have a freak-out blog, then not blog for months on end? Heh. Anyone who randomly stumbled across that last post probably assumed I was done.

Not so! NEVER so! No matter how down I get, I always bounce back. It doesn’t always come easy. I don’t always think I’m going to bounce back. And yet, I always do. Because, and I think this is the secret, I get really down when I don’t write. When I get back to writing, I pick back up. And what in the world am I doing writing but creating a novel that I hope to share with the public one day? And so the very thing that terrifies me is the thing that gets me moving again.

And so I carry on.

Sorry about long time between posts — I had to get a real job to help with my husband’s student debt. When I do have time to write, I am — fanfare, please — working on my novel!

Wish me luck paying debt off quickly so I can get back to writing!