I’ve been continuing to build on the life coaching principles that I picked up last year, and they are continuing to help me unwind some of my writing troubles and hopefully take me closer to my goals.
The latest issue I’ve been struggling with has been time.
I started working a full-time job in spring last year, something which I have generally avoided in my life. I’ve had a few, but working 40 hours a week has always left me feeling time-crunched and I’ve wound up looking elsewhere for something less demanding. The time-crunch has set in again, but with the way money is right now, I don’t feel secure enough looking for other work elsewhere. I don’t think I can make what I’m making elsewhere, and I like not having to struggle so much for money and being able to afford things I need and want. So I’m probably stuck at my current job for a little while.
But the time-crunch is real, and it’s back. I have so much crap to do on a daily basis, from running errands and cat care to home care and trying to find time to relax. I’ve tried to start keeping a written schedule of my days, and that’s helped, but I still find myself running out of time regularly.
Okay, I thought, let’s bring in some life coaching stuff. What am I thinking, and what do I want to think?
I’m thinking, there’s not enough time, I don’t have enough time.
I want to think, I have plenty of time for the things I want to get done.
Obviously, I don’t believe that second thought at all, so I have to build a new thought that’s a little bit less negative than the first.
Well, okay, but I have to believe that slightly less negative thought or it won’t work. And no matter how I tried to frame my thoughts, I just kept not believing it. I run out of time consistently. My house is a mess, I’m not writing daily, I’m not getting enough sleep, my cats cry at me to play with them, and I don’t have time to do any of it. I get one task done or find some writing time, and six other tasks go undone or pile up. I’m constantly drowning, and I’m doing my best, but my best isn’t enough.
I struggled with that for a couple weeks. What thought can I think about not having enough time that I can believe that’s not totally awful?
I couldn’t come up with anything. The best I could come up with was “I’m doing the best I can with the time I have,” but that felt defensive and not less negative in any meaningful way.
Soldiering onward, I kept listening to the life-coaching podcast I like and wondering what the heck to do about this time issue.
I can’t recall the exact episode I was listening to when it all clicked. The coach was talking about asking yourself the wrong question, and how people would ask her one question when what they needed to know was the answer to something totally different, and the guilt and shame that people place on themselves for not being able to meet certain expectations, and suddenly it fell into place.
I was being super mean to myself about not getting everything done in the time I have. I would run out of time and instead of going to bed, I would push myself to finish my list and go to bed late, which was having effects on my health. It was also making writing more of a chore, not something fun that I looked forward to doing at the end of my day. When something you love becomes a chore, you know you got troubles.
Instead of accepting that I’m not super human, and simply can’t get everything done that I think I should in a given day, I was trying to force myself to believe that there was more time available to me than there actually was.
Well, that ain’t gonna work.
So I changed my negative thought from “I don’t have enough time” to “I have the time that I have, and I can only get done what I can get done.”
That helped.
I’m still not getting everything done in a day that I want, and I still feel like I want more time. But I’m not beating myself up about it anymore. Instead, I’m looking for ways to schedule myself out more reasonably, and not overschedule any one day. I’m trying to prioritize writing and getting enough sleep, because I only have the time that I have and I can only do what I can do. Some days I don’t write, because there are other things that need attention. Some days I get to bed late, because I can’t put off certain things. But I’m trying not to do that to myself. And I’m trying not to shame myself for only being able to do what I can.
Anyhow, I hope that watching me work on my mind and try to get my writing done is helping someone out there.
It’s sure been helping me.
