Ancient humans.

I find ancient history really, really interesting. I don’t know why. I guess I just find it so unlikely that creatures like humans would just walk out of the forest one day and take over the world that I want to know everything I can about how that might have happened.

I’m just an armchair anthropology enthusiast, so what I don’t know could fill several books. And most of what I do know is just theories. Don’t get me wrong, most of what real anthropologists know is just theories, but I feel like what fascinates me the most are the brand new, really untried theories. So take what I say with several dashes of salt.

I read a book a while ago entitled “Fingerprints of the Gods.” It looked sort of like an alien conspiracy book, with a big pyramid and a floating eyeball on the cover, but it didn’t mention aliens once. Instead, the author talked all about how he believes that ancient humans had a very advanced civilization that was destroyed by the last ice age, leaving us with weird clues all over the world.

The clues included the pyramids, the south American ruins, the Nasca lines, and other ancient stone monuments. The reason being — and I never thought about this, but it’s true — you can’t carbon date any of them. All you’ll find is the age of the stone they’re made out of, not when they were built. Mainstream historians say the pharaohs of Egypt built the pyramids, but according to this guy, they did not. There is no record of any pharaoh building the pyramids. There IS record of them being DISCOVERED by a pharaoh, and of them being cleared of sand and maintained. Apparently, they were buried by sand and re-discovered several times over the millennia.

Also, the pyramids were EMPTY when they were uncovered by modern people. It’s commonly assumed that they were tombs for the pharaohs, but there are a ton of tombs for pharaohs that have been uncovered, and they do NOT look like the three pyramids. Mainstream historians say that the pyramids were robbed and that’s why they were empty — and grave-robbing has been a big problem for the tombs of the pharaohs, but the first modern humans inside the Great Pyramids had to use dynamite to blast their way in and there were no other entrances. There were no mummies, no grave goods, and no hieroglyphics. So it makes no sense to say they were tombs for the pharaohs that were robbed.

And there are three smaller, shittier pyramids that we know for a fact were built by the pharaohs. There are records of them being built. They are tiny and they are falling to hell. The Great Pyramids of Gyza are HUGE, were once coated with marble, and are still standing strong despite being way older than the three smaller ones.

So there’s that. I didn’t do any of this research myself, I’m totally relying on the author of this book.

The ruins throughout South America aren’t any better at being pinned down or explaining anything. We have solid records of the Spanish asking the Aztecs who the hell built all those crazy buildings, and them saying “Not us. The Olmecs. We just live here.” When asked who the Olmecs were, the Aztecs simply replied, “We don’t know. They went away a long time ago.”

Went where? Came from where? Built all those pyramids why? We simply do not know.

The more compelling (to me) evidence of a pre-ice-age global human civilization are the maps.

There are several maps drawn by ancient explorers. Maps of the whole world. Including Antarctica WITH NO ICE. Right on one of these maps, the explorer noted that the map was drawn from his own travels, and from maps at the Library of Alexandria. The Library of Alexandria was a repository of human knowledge from we don’t even know how far back. We lost I don’t even know what sort of information when it was finally dismantled. I don’t know if anyone knows what we lost. Tons.

Now, not all of these maps look especially accurate to me, but I’m not a cartographer. But they are maps of Antarctica with no ice, drawn by someone, which wound up at the Library of Alexandria. The last time there was no ice on Antarctica was a bazillion years ago.

Okay, 35 million years.

But before you sign this all off as quackery, keep in mind that there have been a slew of new anthropological finds that keep pushing the emergence of humanity back further and further. I don’t know that it pushes our emergence back as far as 35 million years, or how to explain any of this.

So what the shit is going on there? I don’t claim to know, since even the latest guesses at human evolution place us at about 400,000 years old.

All I know is that all of this is really weird, and super interesting.

A lot of anthropologists will write me off as a weirdo, but they don’t have a convincing explanation for this stuff that they can give me. I don’t think the conspiracy-theorists have convincing answers, either, but they do have some weird stuff they can point to. Including some bizarre questions that I, for one, would like answered.

At any rate, I’m curious, and I want to know what the heck actually happened in our long history, how far back it really goes, and why people built huge stone monuments all over the stinking globe.

How about you?