I’ve talked a bit about some of the fun insights I’ve had about Night Falls, the in-progress vampire story. I haven’t talked about a big one, though.
I’ve wanted to tell a story from Sebastian’s perspective ever since I first wrote In the Dark. But I never felt good enough to do it. The sections in that first book that were from his perspective were the hardest to write, and got the most intense editing. And as I go back over them now, I still don’t think I got the tone exactly right.
I decided to write Sebastian’s story because I wanted to wrap the vampire series, and because I felt like that was a natural wrap-up. I wasn’t sure I was ready to do it, but I knew I was better than I was before.
Boy, howdy was I not ready for how easily his voice came to me. He speaks and thinks very differently from any character I’ve ever written, and getting into his head this time around felt challenging, but quite doable. (In retrospect, realizing I was a good enough writer to get this book out came at exactly the same time as my crippling certainty that I’m not good enough to sell enough books to be a full-time author. WTF, brain?)
I realized that I had worked pretty hard at this writer thing and had improved by leaps and bounds in the decades between my first book and this one.
But more than being a better writer, I realized I’ve grown as a person. I understand other people and their motivations better. I understand myself better.
And by understanding myself and people around me better, I had come to understand Sebastian better. He has a deep practicality that can seem extremely cold but actually isn’t, and a difficult time identifying or managing his emotions, thus shutting them down when they get overwhelming. He’s not callous. Mostly. If he cares for you, he’ll do anything to help you. If he doesn’t, he won’t lift a finger other than to not murder you — unless he has to. He’s choosy about who he decides to care for, which has to do with not wanting to be hurt again, but also not wanting to waste time on fools.
I’ve surprised myself by being able to get into his head so well, and I’ve surprised myself by seeing that come out in my writing of his story.
I’m finally good enough to write anything I want. It’s been a long time coming.
